I really do not know where it all began? How do you pinpoint a time in your life where you understood? Where you knew what you were doing and feeling was sexual? Because I didn’t realize at 11 years old that what I was doing was having an orgasm. I just knew it felt good! That rubbing my vagina – my clit really – on the bars that surrounded the play ground or on the corner of the bathroom bench top was sexual! I just knew it felt real good and took me to a place that I later found out was ecstasy.
I remember being aroused by the thought of boys. The girl across the road was blonde and maybe 10. We used to pretend we were girlfriend and boyfriend. I was the boy hahaha I was always the boy! Even at dance classes because I was so tall I was the boy but I do think I definitely have male tendencies. Either way I was the boy in our little roll play and we would kiss and caress each other – fully clothed mind you – and pretend we were making love. Not that we really knew what that was but we’d seen movies and television. Kissing each other with her on top. Grinding against each other until I reached climax. Not that I knew it was an orgasm then – I just knew what we did felt good. I don’t know if she cum or not. I assume it felt good for her because we kept doing it! Week after week. I don’t know for how many weeks but it’s a blissful memory to me now and obviously now I know what all those feelings were! But did everyone feel that way at 11 years old. Does everyone have a sexual awakening that early?
From what I’ve learnt over my 50 odd years – no they don’t! Or they’re too afraid to voice it. I know we all have different desires and very different libidos which is sad because it’s really what causes a lot of trauma in relationships but it goes beyond sex! Are we really meant to be monogamous or is it a rule put on society by religion and man to keep women in their place as mother, nurturer, posession?
I’ve always felt that men are applauded for their sexual exploits but women are vilified! Men are slapped on the back “good on ya buddy” it’s expected! Women are just called sluts – whores!! For what? Doing exactly what a man does! Why?
I think it’s time we reclaim our bodies and the terms used to vilify us. I’m taking slut, whore, witch and all the other terms – I’m taking them back! These labels should be ones of power and strength so let’s do it!